ronen-v:

I have unfortunately had experience helping women who have been in physically and emotionally abusive relationships. I am fortunate, because I now recognize the symptoms.

The heart of the matter seems to be “coping”. Notably: where there is a perpetual threat of physical violence, it becomes impossible to cope without acting against it. Where acting against the violence is impossible (or, more precisely, where a human has been trained to be frightened into thinking it is impossible) humans cannot cope. In order to continue on without acting against the constant threat of violence, they must:

- adapt their behavior to the conditions of violence in order to avoid it

- pretend that the adapted behavior is their own choice, and not merely under duress of threatened violence.

That’s the key point. In order to get about their day, a battered person must (A) act/comply to avoid being abused, and (B) pretend to themselves that these actions are their own choice, in order to feel a sense of personal strength required to not fall into a massive depression.

In this case, the massive depression would be good. The depression would be the result of AVOIDING THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING, and will usually lead to THINKING ABOUT IT and then ACTING ON IT. The coping tactic listed above merely perpetuates the situation.

At any rate, I have since come to recognize the symptoms of Battered Persons Syndrome in Societies.

In israel, there is a law requiring all non-muslim non-ultra-orthodox-jews to be slaves to the military for 4 years when they turn 18.

Every israeli citizen, upon graduating high school, becomes a slave to the army, and is forced to choose between risking (and, too often, losing) their lives perpetuating abuses against (formerly lebanon, and still) the palestinians, or being forcibly locked in a cage.

What is the response of the individuals in this otherwise civilized society, this only-one-with-equal-rights free-trading democracy in its corner of the world, this number two technological innovator on earth, filled with artists and scientists, to this barbaric practice?

For the most part, they employ the coping methods mentioned above: The individuals in israeli society are, almost as a rule, massively patriotic, and desire greatly to serve in the military with honor.

The alternative would be spending their childhood admitting that they are being raised for slavery, and then spending four years being brutally trained to kill other humans at the unquestioned orders of others.

Faced with such a horror, and the only alternative being locked in a cage, this coping method is not surprising. The cognitive dissonance is stunning, but surely otherwise an individual could hardly morally rationalize serving in the military, and therefore would write themselves out of the chance at a free, adult life, going to university, getting a job, etc, and instead acquire for themselves imprisonment.

If you watch “A State of Mind”, a documentary about two girls growing up in North Korea which was shown to me by my impressively-free-thinking friend Jake Lodwick, you will see some similar behavior. (Note that I truly cannot recommend this film enough for every human. It was life-changing for me.)

In North Korea, even questioning the leadership will result in at least being shipped to a slave camp, and more likely death for you and your family.

Obviously, we can conclude— correctly— that nearly everyone there loves and worships their leader. Not merely as a farce, but truly. The alternative would be admitting a reality so horrifying, how could they raise their children?

And so the Battered Societies go on, and a scant few abusers take advantage of The Sacrafice Game and Cognitive Dissonance to rule over humans who outnumber and outpower them. Ultimately, on the social scale, the group is empowering their abuser. The individuals who stand up get mowed down, so a movement has great difficulty building critical mass to ‘tip’ the abuser. (*There is a science to achieving this kind of change on a social scale— it was practiced and honed by Ghandi and MLKII).

If you’ve seen it enough, you will recognize the signs of cognitive dissonance, and battered person’s syndrome. I remain utterly convinced that the most valuable property an individual can contain is the bravery to, when they taste the mental wall of their own cognitive dissonance, to not turn away, but face it, run towards it, and pass through it, as we can, for the walls are of our own illusory construction.

Okay. Now I have a question to ask you.

It’s kind of a personal question. I hope that’s okay.

Do you ever want to walk around naked?

Outside?

Not now, it’s freezing outside, obviously. But in the summer maybe, in June, do you ever want to just take a walk naked? Or make love in the sun, on the grass, instead of hidden behind drawn curtains in the dark?

“Don’t be ridiculous!” “I don’t want to walk around naked.”

Before you believe the voice in your head, let me ask you another question:

What would happen if you did?

Why, in less than ten minutes, people with guns would come tackle you to the ground, and lock you in a cage.

Repeat: You would be beaten and locked in a cage.

It’s very easy to not want to do something that will result in getting beaten and locked in a cage.

The problem comes when all those things we’ve learned not that we shouldn’t DO, but that we shouldn’t WANT to do, for fear of feeling — and having to cope with — the constant threat of physical violence which would be their consequence, start adding up, and we become memetic duplicates of the rules we inherited as vestigial organs from dead philosophies to which we no longer subscribe.

Feeling that (this will be my example) one should never be naked in public is reasonless; inherited from the same Meme that locked Galleleio in a cage and burned Giordano Bruno alive for demonstrating that the sun is a star around which the earth revolves.

There is so much we desire but do not do— with this I can live. There is much that the human spirit desires which it may not accomplish— the desiring of it and acting towards it is the saking on which the thirst of spirit lives.

But there is so much more that we could yet do, but refuse ourselves permission even to desire— for fear that we must face the obstacles in our way. The bullies at our doorstep. “The Man”.

When America systematically abused homosexuals, they were made to hide their practice and their identity. Many, as a result of this hiding, believed the bitter pill they were handed, and felt shame for who they were, or even denied it to themselves. How sad. So grateful should we all be (and am I certainly) to those who, though practicing in hiding to avoid persecution, remained justly shameless. Their bravery has created a free-er society for us all; one where humans can now be publicly and shamelessly gay.

We have discussed a few examples, but it’s important that we not limit the point to them.

I have experienced personally, and in others, that facing one’s own cognitive dissonance, facing one’s fears, creates a clarity of mind that not only brings joy in the moment (for it is not our fears that hurt us, but the burden of blindly carrying them) but also empowers us — as individuals, and as groups — to figure out the actions we can take to manifest those desires our individual and collective hearts dare not even whisper.

What do you wish?

What would you wish, if you could?l

You may never know, unless you let yourself find out.

A free mind is a powerful thing.

It takes a brave soul to admit a truth whose consequences are scary.

We will all feel fear. Some of us will run from it. Some of us will use the adrenaline like the rocket-fuel-accelerator-thingie in mario kart to shoot forward, blasting past our obstacles, into the next level of the game.

Come play.

*(I was going to wait until morning to post this, but it’s long/insane/anarchic enough that I should probably post it now, at 4:32am.)